i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
