Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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