Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
