I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
