you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
