Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
