I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
