Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We left the knife in your bed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
