Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
