why do cheetos always look like penises
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
