never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize