we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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