i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
