i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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