someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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