i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
