I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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