I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize