I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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