One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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