Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
