did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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