I CAN MOONWALK!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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