i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
