The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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