You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
