Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
