hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
