He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize