Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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