so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize