I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
