woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize