mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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