suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
