I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
