Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I didn't notice because vodka
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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