When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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