VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
