I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
