id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You can't just leave with hair like that
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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