my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
