I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
