I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize