I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
