do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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