I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
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My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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