remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
