I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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