More tranny stories later!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
