you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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