WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Mom said you looked used
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize