After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
