all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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