What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
