Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
