fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
