it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just blew my weed a kiss
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
