Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
