would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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