It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
