Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
