The best revenge is premature balding
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
