dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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