I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize