I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
