If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
