She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
