this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
