Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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