Got a toothbrush?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
