Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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