I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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