there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
