wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
