I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
