Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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