It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
