Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
