Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
