how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize