Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
