Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
