Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
