did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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