Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize