since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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