So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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