plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
