Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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