Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
