We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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