You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
a search helicopter?!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
