Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
