the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
