Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
