I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
