I look better un-naked...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
