Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
