my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
