I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
