I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize