So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
