You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize