I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
